Frustration or Meditation?
So you’ve read about all the good things that meditation can do for people and decided to give it a try. If you’re like most of us, your first time might go something like this:
You get yourself a pillow or a blanket to sit on, maybe light some incense and attempt to create a little sacred space for yourself. After 30 or 40 minutes of getting the space together, it looks like you’re all ready to dive into working with your mind—you’ve got a comfy place to sit, the lights are dimmed and you get excited. “Now,” you think to yourself “I am a meditator!”
You sit down and take a deep cleansing breath, prepared to be taken away by the bliss of meditation, transported to other realms outside your hectic and stressful life. A Buddha in the making, you close your eyes…
And then—a thought intrudes on your impending ecstasy—“I wonder if I unplugged the phone.” You attempt to shake off the thought, not even having made it through one cycle of breath.
You breathe out and here comes another one: “I forgot to do the dishes.” Quickly you discover that this thought has brought friends along. “Maybe I should have some music on… I don’t think I slept enough last night… my knee hurts… perhaps fish for dinner tonight… can’t forget to pick the kids up after school… what is up with my boss, anyway… man, it’s smoky in here…” And so what began as one thought, a light sprinkle, turns into a full-on downpour and before long, you’re on a raging river of ideas, thoughts, judgments and complaints. All of this in less than a minute of meditating!
Experiencing such chaos, you decide that you must just be one of those people who aren’t cut out for meditation, you simply can’t stop the thoughts, and you give up on the idea of finding your bliss. Perhaps when you retire you can take up your spiritual quest once more –when you have the time. Sound familiar?
Let us begin by saying that one of the most common misconceptions about meditation is that one can stop the thoughts. It is that mistaken idea that makes many of us hang it up after one or two attempts.
In meditation, one first becomes aware of the veritable smorgasbord of thoughts that are spinning through the mind. That zoological garden of ideas, concepts, and thoughts has been there all along and the first time meditator now begins to see just how much our thoughts dictate our emotional experience and lead us into not-so-beneficial patterns of judgment and expectation.
Well, finally, here is some good news.
Stopping thoughts is not the purpose of meditation. We meditate to gain some distance from the thoughts and to become aware that what we truly are is far more than a stream of reactions and opinions. Meditation is an opportunity to take a step back, to begin to see everything from a broader perspective and realize our unlimited potential. This will all naturally occur as we begin to experience moments of awareness through being mindful of the present moment. This is meditation.
When the mind is more relaxed and open, the body follows. This is why meditation helps to relieve stress, lower blood pressure, and benefit physical health in so many ways. Creating a separation from our thoughts creates an opportunity for joy and clarity to arise and distractions and worries to subside. We learn to observe our thoughts and feelings and begin to see that these thoughts and feelings are impermanent and ever changing. When we realize this, we can release ourselves from “being” our thoughts and feelings. Now our true qualities can begin to lead the way, and possibilities become clear everywhere around us.
This all sounds absolutely wonderful, but just HOW do we begin to meditate?
The way to begin working with meditation is by connecting with our breath, this is how we become present in the moment. Our breath is the bridge that unites the body with thoughts. It connects that which is within to all that is around us. Bringing our awareness to the simple act of breathing-in and breathing-out stops the mental dispersion that distracts us from experiencing calmness in our minds and in our lives.
Awareness of the breath can be done in many ways. Creating a space and sitting to really work with our minds is a very effective way to eliminate distractions and put intention into being in the present moment. Yet it is both effective and realistic to meditate on the breath at any moment. In fact, the ultimate goal of meditation is to bring mindfulness to every moment of our lives, whether we are eating, sitting, making love or walking the dog. We absolutely can find simple ways in our everyday lives to implement working with our breath to alleviate stress and to become more connected in our experiences.
When sitting in meditation or throughout your day, simply start by noticing your breath. Feel the inhale and then the exhale. Begin to create an even, effortless flow through your body. Your meditation is on keeping your focus on the in and out. Your intention is not to chase away hate and worry, nor should you be discouraged by thoughts when they arise, simply acknowledge their presence and bring your focus back to your breath. As you are concentrating on your breath, you begin to experience deep relaxation which allows the mind to release worries and troubles that block consciousness. Perceptions begin to change and we gain a clearer, broader view of our circumstances. All of this occurs by simply returning to the breath.
Breath Meditations:
Focusing on the quality of your breath will strengthen concentration and improve your physical health. Your breath should be light, even and flowing like a thin stream of water running through the sand. Your breath should be quiet. So quiet that a person sitting next to you cannot hear it. Keep your focus at the nostrils noticing each in-and out-breath. Do not try to control the breath. Simply watch it. Fast or slow, shallow or deep, the nature of the breath does not matter. Your full attention to it is what counts. There is no “right” way for your breath to feel—just be aware of what is. Your mind will wander. Don’t worry about it. Just keep returning your attention to your breath, letting go of whatever has come up. This is the essence of meditation: Letting go of your thoughts.
Begin by making your breath calm and even. As you breathe in, count 1 in your mind, and as you breathe out, count 1 in your mind. Breathe in, count 2. Breathe out, count 2. Continue through 10. This counting is like a string which attaches your mindfulness to your breath. When thoughts, sounds, judgments, pains or other distractions arise remember: Do not try to fight off thoughts, just let them go. Return to your breath and start your count at 1. Keep trying until you can keep the count continuously.
To train yourself to understand the depths to which breath creates change within, you can employ useful phrases on your inhale and exhale. As you breathe in you may say to yourself, “I am breathing in health and life.” As you exhale you say, “I am exhaling pain and worry.” There are many possibilities for affirmations to be used with the breath. Be sure to be positive and non-judgmental with the words that you choose.
How long you meditate will vary. Sit as long as you can, but not longer than you are ready for. 10-20 minutes in the beginning is appropriate. Whatever time you set for yourself, be diligent in sitting out the allotted time. Do not stop meditating at the first impulse to get up and do something else. Meditation is the time to let all such thoughts come and go, without attachment.
There are so many offerings as far as styles and methods of meditating. Bringing awareness to the breath is the foundation for all of these methods. Working with these simple breathing practices will bring about results. With any method that you are attracted to, it is important to work with it specifically, for mixing and matching methods will lead to more confusion and limited results. Give yourself the opportunity to focus on one practice and do it for at least two weeks. Then, evaluate and decide if it resonates with your experience.
There is a reason that the act of meditating is called “practice”. Like anything that one pursues, one must do it often to become proficient. Our practice should not be judged as “good” or “bad.” The act of doing is what creates change. For if you meditate regularly, even when you don’t feel like it, you will make great gains.
So, create yourself a comfortable space to meditate in, use your time while sitting at a stop light to breathe and be present in the moment, take a breath when you feel anger taking hold, or take a few moments before a difficult meeting or conversation to create some space in your mind to allow for clarity…and just breathe!
May your journey to lasting happiness be filled with joy!
Authors: Garret Sorensen and Sarah Crawford are the co-founders of the Mandala Center for Wellness in Winona, MN. Both are massage therapists and have been long-time practitioners of meditation. They may be reached at 507.453.7941, info@mandalawinona.com
